Investigational Drug

Good day supporters and followers.  I hope that 2015 is starting of well for you.  It hasn't been the best for me so far.  The chemotherapy I started in November did not perform the wa we had hoped.  Tumors throughout the body have grown.  It is now time for me to consider a clinical trial.  I have gone through all of the testing to know if I am a candidate for something.  There is a study out there that I qualify for participation.  I will begin this drug tomorrow.

I am scared and sad.  I have been fighting this disease since 2007, with the worst of it coming in 2011.  When I started chemo in 2011 the drugs were working.  I would have sustained or shrinking tumors.  As time went on we were changing drugs often, because they were failing.  Now I feel like we are at the end of road.  If this doesn't work, then what.  I know I shouldn't think that at this point, but I just can't help it.

My family and I had a nice trip to San Diego after the Christmas holiday.  We went to Sea World, the zoo, aircraft carrier.  It was in the 50's and cool.  Not what we were expecting.  It was a nice time.

As I prepare for the first treatment tomorrow a lot of things run through my mind.  One of the thoughts is blessed, another is fear.  I can't help think of them both all day.  I also spend a lot of time in conversation with the Lord.  Sometimes these end with a smile, others tears.

My chin will be held high and my trust in Jesus high as I tackle this cancer once again.

Blessings, Buffy

New treatment

Hello friends and family.  It's Sunday and I am waiting on football to start, go Texans!

I started back on IV chemo this weekend.  What we were using previously allowed the cancer to grow, so we had to change it up.  So far so good.  I'm expecting the normal side effects of some nausea and fatigue.  Have to wait and see.

I did not go the clinical trial route, didn't have to at this point.  Turns out the radiologist that read my last brain MRI did not do a thorough job.  The MD compared the scan to a 2012 study and not my most recent from July 2014.  Turns out that the 15 rounds of brain radiation I had in July did a decent job of shrinking the tumors in the brain.  So no radiation or gamma knife on the brain for now.

However, there was significant growth throughout most of the bones in my body, therefore the change in therapy.  I am trying to be hopeful that this stuff will do the trick for while, at least slow the growth.

I had company for chemo this weekend.  Two of my college girlfriends came to visit.  Sue from Boston and Jo from FL.  It's always a good time when we are together.  We laugh and cry.  Visits are a little more emotional these days.

I am continually grateful for all of the love and support I get from my family and friends.  Truly grateful.  I love all of the cards, messages and posts.  Keeping up the fight, Buffy

Deflated

Hope this finds you all well.  I received some difficult news Tuesday regarding my most recent scans. The MRI of the brain showed many new tumors, there is also lesion growth in the bones as well.  As the MD told me this the first thing that came to my mind was Drake.  What would he do without a mother?  So young?  Very unfair to him.

The night and today have been hard.  Going through a "why me phase".

I have an appointment to see the radiation MD's about my brain tomorrow.  After I hear what they have to say I will be taking into consideration a clinical trail.  It is a drug specifically targeted towards brain metastasis. Going to weigh the options.

I'm scared, devastated and mad.  All I want to do is raise my little boy.

Be sure to tell your loved ones that you love them - often.  Be kind to one another.  Life is unpredictable.  

Keeping my head up,
Buffy

It’s Sunday night and my family and I are winding down the week watching the Little League games out of PA.  And guess who is playing – Pearland!  How about that.

We are also settling into all being together after Drake being in PA for 2 weeks with family  This is his first venture like this alone and for so long.  He did Great!  He spent time doing art with Grandpop Ewing, he spent time with his cousins on Tommy’s side, he spent time shooting guns, eating food he’s never tried before.  All great things for an 8 year old on summer break.  I was so tickled it went well.

I flew from TX to PA to bring him home.  It was a very short visit.  It was approved by my MD team.   I was so anxious to see him after two weeks.  He looked like a giant when I saw him.  The only word that came to my mind as I was traveling to get him and waiting to see him was Grateful.   The disease that encompasses my body and now my brain is a complete afterthought.  All I want is for Drake to have had a great time and be thankful for all that he did. 

He was so happy to see me which felt great.  We immediately had to hit the path to “schedule” mode.  We spent the evening with some of my very best friends.  Patty Henley opened up her home to a lot of guests.  The place was spic and span and decorated with pink balloons.  It warmed my heart.  Saw several people that stirred emotion when seeing.  All was good.  The party ended great.

Next night I dedicated to family.  My 2^nd cousins are the best.  So supportive, kind and always in touch.  My one cousin, Shelby, is battling her own demon with stage IV Endometriosis.   Her pain was so bad the day of the party that she took off from work, however that did not stop her from decorating the entire living area of the house with pink ribbons and balloons.  It looked amazing.  I was soooo touched.

We visited with family and the food served was my choice: Hoagies and Pizza.  I can’t get a decent Hoagie in Texas if I gambled my last dollar on it.  It’s all about the roll.  So it was great.

As Dana drove Drake and I out to Ewing’s house, the word Grateful, still kept coming to my mind..

No matter what this disease does to me, what organs it attacks, what side effects it gives me – I am still so lucky to be right here, typing this blog, telling Drake to get to bed.  All that is the same, disease or no disease.  It is important to  prioritize, however when faced with death, all that listing and wishing goes to the side and things get real. 

Why wait until you are faced with “the ugly”?  Get real now – live your life to the fullest to satisfy yourself. 

I don't care how sick the report tells me I am, I have hope and faith for the future - and I am Grateful  for what I have right now.  

Cheers,

Buffy

I sit down to write this entry with feelings of comfort and relief.  The PET scan I had yesterday showed NO change = NO growth in any of the lesions throughout my brain or spine.  There was actually some spots that were smaller.  However, there was a spot of concern on the liver.  It is so non-specific that they are not calling it a malignant metastasis until they scan it closer.  I will be having a MRI of the liver next week sometime.

Treatment plan(s) are in place.  If the liver spot is not breast cancer I will return to oral chemo.  If it is an ugly mess then I will start IV chemo.  I am good with either.  I am going to be leaning on the Lord for him to lean on that liver mess - No New Cancer, pleeeeeasse?

I feel comfort and relief because Tom and I got so many of our questions and concerns clarified.  We spent a long time with the RN, a long time with my MD and a long time with my PharmD.  We are clear on meds, what they are for, when, why and what side effects I can expect.  July was such a blur in and out of the hospital a couple times we really needed this sit down time with the team to get it all together.

I had my college girl friends, Kim and Lisa, here with me last week.  We had a lot of fun, good talks, laughs, tears - plus they were helpful in Driving Ms. Pearland to appointments.  I think the car ended up at too many retail therapy spots, but that's ok too.

Had to grab some help from a dear friend, Amy, and a wonderful neighbor, Kathleen, this week.  It's hard to ask for help.  As my friend Jay says, I can be like a mule.  Nice, huh?

Try to find something today that brings you a feeling of comfort and even relief.  You should search for that feeling each day.  It's unhealthy to go around all tense, worried and stressed.  The fact that God has your back all the time should bring you a feeling of comfort and relief.  It sure brings those emotions out of me.

Have a great rest of the week.  As always, thank you for all of your support, thoughts and prayers.  All appreciated and all much needed.

Cheers,
Buffy Dew

Saturday greetings from the lake.  Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.  I am doing well.  Feeling lucky just to be here.   I love the lake house.  Being on steroids since the seizures has me like a wild nut.  I can't sleep and want to eat constantly.  So, Tom and I got to the lake and both got to work.  He outside and me inside.  Get this - I even did the windows inside and out.  Really?  Tom is loving me on these steroids because I get so much done.  I on the other hand am looking forward to weaning off of them come Monday.  I'm like a wild nut.

Dropped my mother-in-law and Drake off at the airport this am to fly to PA.  It was great to have Tinksy here.  She was a good chauffeur for driving Ms. Pearland.  Covered a lot of errands and got to celebrate the ending of this round of treatment with her.  I love having her in my life.

Drake will be in PA for 2 weeks focusing on art camp with my Dad.  Ewing is having a show in November and the gallery wants some paintings from Drake in the show.  I thought that was so cool.  So drake is in PA to paint and of course have fun.  Don't know how I am going to make it 2 weeks without him.

It was a very full week this past week.  July just slipped by and here we are in August.  August will be a month of recovery for me.  I have 2 weeks off to see how the radiation worked.  I will be re-scanned and see my primary breast oncologist in 2 weeks.

The idea of going to another treatment mode or form of treatment disappoints me.  I worry I am going through "the list" of options too quickly, that I may run out of options.  I know MDAnderson will find something for me when options are slim.

I also know that I am leaning on the Lord for healing and clarity.  I am reading a book now called "When God Doesn't Make Sense".  Seems to be hitting the spot.  

Well, with no child or visitors Tom and I are going to go out to dinner just the two of us.  Not sure I recall the last time that happened.

I thank you all for your support, thoughts and prayers.

I am blessed.

Best,
Buffy Dew

I did it!  I completed 15 rounds of brain radiation and 5 big radiation doses to my lower body.  I got to ring the bell yesterday at MDAnderson.  It was an awesome feeling.  Also great because my wonderful mother-in-law, Tinksy, was herer to do it with me.  See pictures.

The month of July has been a blur.  Starting with being found by my Dad foaming at the mouth in my hotel room unresponsive having had seizures, the discovery of tumors at the cortex of the brain, to suffering pain from new tumors on my lumbar spine that landed me 4 days as an inpatient at MDAnderson. 

The only thing that has been giving me clarity is focused meditation and prayer.  The word that comes to my mind over and over is, grateful.  In all of this I am so blessed and grateful for great care, loving family and one of the biggest all of you that support me.  I have so many prayer warriors on my side and support from around the country.  It is humbling. 

The comments, prayers and support I get on social media each day, makes my day.  I thank all of you from the bttom of my heart for your concern for me.

Tinsky will be here for a few more days doing what I call "Driving Ms. Pearland" around.  Again, grateful comes to mind - so glad she is here.  Then I have some college girls coming next wee to shuttle Ms Pearland around again. 

The help, food, and offers from close and far away have been so lifting.  I am blessed. 

Make it a great day for you and those around you.

Buffy